Food hygiene meets Google reviews. Find your unicorn.
🏠 THE BOAT HOUSE HYDE PARK SERPENTINE ROAD, LONDON, W2 2UH
Tier Achieved:
For the germaphobe whose motto is 'food is fuel'.
Spotless kitchen, rubbish food. Won't get sick. Might wish you had. Emergency calories only.
Colicci / Ecsi Ltd is the ultimate pit stop if you find yourself wandering near Hyde Park. It’s a production house masquerading as a café, so don’t get your hopes up for a coffee and cake extravaganza. The Chicken Panini comes highly recommended, but some poor souls clearly didn’t get the memo about the coffee. Honestly, if you’re after a dirty chai or a slice of cake, you might as well keep walking to the nearest bakery.
With a hygiene rating of 5/5, the place is cleaner than your ex’s excuses. But don’t let that fool you; the vibe is hit or miss. Staff like Dewan seem friendly enough, but then you read about the lady with the scarf serving up sass instead of service. And don’t even get me started on the questionable culinary choices. A BBQ that doesn’t exist? Classic. If you’re in the mood for a panini and can overlook the chaos, you might just survive this fuel stop. 🤷♂️
Colicci / Ecsi Ltd, LONDON — Food Hygiene Rating: 5/5
🗓️ Last inspected: 27 September 2025